I feel the same way sometimes. My husband is seriously almost superhuman to have dealt with me (mostly unmedicated, or medicated improperly) these past 21 years. I honestly don't know how he's done it.

But I think many of us do carry that guilt around - how could we not? We know we are awful sometimes, and even though we literally can't help it, it still feels crappy anyway. I tell myself that I must make up for it somehow, because he's still here. I think that's what keeps me personally from drowning in guilt.