I learned the hard way that chasing the high leads to disastrous consequences. A few years after being diagnosed I remember trying to push a manic episode higher with 3+ energy drinks a day. Not only was that stupidly expensive, I didn't sleep for at least 4 days straight, ended up writing tens of pages of nonsensical music, psychotically believed that I could heal people with my secret music, ended up in the ER because a friend told me to go, luckily they didn't keep me but made sure I was seeing my pdoc soon because I was "very manic". They prescribed sleeping pills and when I went to the pharmacy the next day to pick them up this was the conversation:
Pharmacist: "Any medical conditions?"
Me: "Bipolar."
Pharmacist: "Have you ever had a manic episode?"
Me: "Yes."
Pharmacist: "..... are you having one right now?"
Me: "*uproarious laughter* YOU CAUGHT ME!"
Apparently when I'm manic, the professionals can tell just by looking at me. It was wonderful and fun, but the higher I go, the harder I fall, and I am very glad I lived through the depression that happened after that. I've learned my lesson and am not going to recklessly attempt to chase mania again. The trick is to do everything you can to stay OUT of mania, because the moment my judgement is compromised, everything goes to hell.
EDIT: Oh and just because you're on meds doesn't mean you won't go full blown manic, especially if you're chasing it. I've had spectacular manic episodes even while taking high doses of APs.
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Bipolar I with psychotic features/GAD/Transgender (male pronouns please)
Seroquel/Abilify/Risperidone/Testosterone
My Bipolar Poetry Anthology
Underneath this skin there's a human
Buried deep within there's a human
And despite everything I'm still human
I think that I'm still human
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