I used to cut because I tend to overthink and it was a distraction from all my thoughts and feelings, if only for an instant. It brought me into the present moment, an exact point in time where everything else faded away.

Other than the actual act of cutting, there was always the thrill I would get minutes before I actually started. Once I decided that I was going to do it, there was no stopping me or changing that decision; I'd get excited, giddy even, as I "set up" for it, and that was a big thing for me.

Of course, I'd always wake up the next morning with guilt and regret and shame and hopelessness. Or sometimes just numbness and no emotion at all.

If you're reading this and you haven't done it before, I'm begging you, please don't start. It's not worth it. Even though I've managed to stop, the thoughts are always there and I always think about how much more relaxed my mind would be if I didn't have to carry this around. Stay strong!

- AJ