I posted on the depression section about my mom and someone suggested I should write about it here...I didn't know this section was here.

My mom died of cancer and I'm grieving. It has brought back my depression big time. It's tough because she was emotionally abusive my whole life...so is my father. He has gotten so much more abusive since she passed. I feel guilty.because im also relieved that she can't hurt me anymore. Yes I'm in therapy and it helps take the sting out of it but I'm still struggling. She and I talked often as I felt that she needed someone to talk to about her problems. Neither parent was able to show me love...they live/lived their lives in utter turmoil.

I'm upset that my depression is back. I know it's normal but I still can't stand it. My ad was recently increased at the hospital and I was feeling much better. Then mom died and I went hypo manic for a week then crashed hard. I'm glad she's not in pain anymore and I still wake up in the morning thinking I should call her to see how she's doing.

I need some support...to know that these conflicting feelings I'm having are ok. Im really sad that she died and I want.this depression gone. I feel conflicted...any suggestions? My father is just yelling at my sister and I all the time. He wants to go into assisted living one minute then he wants to sell the farm. Then he wants someone to live there with him but says he doesn't want to take any help. He's grieving yes but he's always been this way with us. I.just can't win. I feel so guilty...any help would be so helpful. Thank you for listening.