The last time I saw my pdoc I told her that I wanted to come off Saphris, and she gave me a long lecture about why she is sure that is a bad idea. One of the things she said is that I have a responsibility to stay well because I work with patients (I'm a nurse). I get that, and I only want to practice and be around patients when I am of sound mind and capable of working safely. But that seems like an unfair argument to keep me on a med that I don't want to take. She knows it's a sensitive topic for me because I take my nursing very seriously, and I am already being monitored for my mental health as a condition of keeping my license. But it seems so unfair that I should have to take a medication that I don't want to take out of a responsibility to stay well. I'm willing to take a risk, and I just want to be the patient and not the nurse when I talk to her. I would take time off if I get sick, I would do that even if it wasn't mandatory. And I have pretty good insight into how I'm doing usually. So does what she said seem fair, or does it seem like a massive guilt trip? Because it seems like a guilt trip. I know there are sacrifices to be in a trusted position as a nurse, but there is a limit as to what is fair. I saw my T today, and he said he'll refer me to a homeopath to come off meds, but I have to wait 10 months until I am no longer being monitored first. I'm so frustrated. I just want my life back. I don't even care if I get sick again. I just want my freedom, and I want my mental health treatment to be separate from my career.
Maybe I should just quit nursing and then I won't have to deal with any of this anymore. But I don't know what else I would do. I have a master's of nursing, so that's 6 years of university, and I'm not qualified to do anything else. I guess I could go back to school, but I don't even know what I would study, and I'm 37, which is too old to start again. I just want all of the coercion to stop.
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"Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?"
"Those who feel the breath of sadness, sit down next to me. Those feel they're touched my madness, sit down next to me. Those who find themselves ridiculous, sit down next to me."
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