The last time I saw my pdoc I told her that I wanted to come off Saphris, and she gave me a long lecture about why she is sure that is a bad idea. One of the things she said is that I have a responsibility to stay well because I work with patients (I'm a nurse). I get that, and I only want to practice and be around patients when I am of sound mind and capable of working safely. But that seems like an unfair argument to keep me on a med that I don't want to take. She knows it's a sensitive topic for me because I take my nursing very seriously, and I am already being monitored for my mental health as a condition of keeping my license. But it seems so unfair that I should have to take a medication that I don't want to take out of a responsibility to stay well. I'm willing to take a risk, and I just want to be the patient and not the nurse when I talk to her. I would take time off if I get sick, I would do that even if it wasn't mandatory. And I have pretty good insight into how I'm doing usually. So does what she said seem fair, or does it seem like a massive guilt trip? Because it seems like a guilt trip. I know there are sacrifices to be in a trusted position as a nurse, but there is a limit as to what is fair. I saw my T today, and he said he'll refer me to a homeopath to come off meds, but I have to wait 10 months until I am no longer being monitored first. I'm so frustrated. I just want my life back. I don't even care if I get sick again. I just want my freedom, and I want my mental health treatment to be separate from my career.

Maybe I should just quit nursing and then I won't have to deal with any of this anymore. But I don't know what else I would do. I have a master's of nursing, so that's 6 years of university, and I'm not qualified to do anything else. I guess I could go back to school, but I don't even know what I would study, and I'm 37, which is too old to start again. I just want all of the coercion to stop.