Quote:
Originally Posted by TheatreKid
It's always your choice, but I know that if I want what I consider to be "freedom" I will stay on my meds. When I'm locked up in a hospital, I am definitely not what I would consider free, and that happens less often when I take meds.
Where is this desire to be off meds coming from? Is it logical? Will you really be more "free" off the meds, or will your symptoms limit you? Can you wait the 10 months to try to go off meds safely and with support? Are you unsatisfied with your job/don't mind risking losing it?
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I don't want to end up locked up in a hospital again, but I don't think that would happen. I am pretty stable and I have a good support system in case things ever get bad again. You have a good point about symptoms limiting freedom too, and I think they can, but I miss the feeling of intensity that I used to have. That's how freedom feels to me. I'm also really tired of having to follow so many rules all the time. I probably will wait the 10 months and do this safely, but it just feels like a really long time. I am a pretty rebellious person, so this whole situation makes me feel like I'm a sell out. Part of wanting off meds is wanting to experience more intensity again, and part of it is probably just rebellion. I want my life to be wild, and I am being forced to live a safe and conservative lifestyle.
I love my job and being a nurse, but maybe I could find something else I would enjoy with less responsibility. I don't know, I'm too scared to do anything other than complain. I have so much to loose if I mess up. I will probably just continue to comply because I have enough inertia that it is easiest just to continue, But this isn't good enough in the long run. Maybe stable isn't my goal.