For the past few months I've gone out with friends or talked with them on the phone and laughed and put on a good front but after I go home, I fall apart and cry for hours. It's exhausting to me to put on that happy face and fake it for hours on end. And I feel guilty for not feeling better after all these wonderful people do everything they know how to do to show me love and support. It's a miserable feeling, being the one who needs to be cheered up when you know you're really not up for it but you let people try anyway.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Let them try to cheer you up but give yourself permission to still feel crappy if you need to. Good friends will support you even if you stay depressed, and will continue to support you by encouraging you in other ways (like taking you to the doctor, just quietly sitting with you and listening to music or watching a movie, bringing you something to eat, tucking you into bed, calling to check up on you, etc.). If you had the stomach flu you wouldn't stop throwing up just because someone cracked a joke, right? So, you need to work through the depression before the jokes have much effect on you. Your friend may not understand at first, but being open about your feelings might make YOU feel better, or at least less bad about pretending to be happy.