Well then we quickly jump to labelling it abuse.
That's what if.

To the OP, I feel for you, I do. My main love language is touch, and if I forced myself to live with this type of deliberate lack of intimacy, I would surely shrivel up and die.

I would sooner be alone than live with someone who deliberately witholds affection from me.

To me its also very important to feel wanted, and not just sexually either, although that definitly factors in. So its quite easy for me to gather how much strain this is causing you emotionally and mentally.

If your wife won't go to couples counselling, then I agree that you seek individual therapy and try to process this (as well as have somewhere private to vent) in order to make a more rational, logical decision regarding your marriage as its obvious that neither cheating nor an open marriage are viable options.

Talking about these things are hard, so I commend you for having the courage to speak up. I suggest that if you do make an appointment, that you print out your first post and give it to the T, because your dilemma is clearly and concisely recorded.