thanks. we will see how this goes, yeah. i guess there were two main themes in the first email. he focused in on one of them and fairly much ignored the other. not sure whether he made a conscious decision to do that or whether he kind of missed it...

with this one... i am worried... about two things.

firstly... i'm not particularly validating. if he did miss the other issue then he probably doesn't realise that i'm really very attached to him. i have significant difficulty expressing liking and appreciation. i know some people have the opposite issue... but for me... i need to learn to take better care of my therapists and i need to take care of him. (though i guess the theme he picked up on in the first email was that i don't need to reassure him and that it is okay if he feels uncomfortable and that it is okay if i get mad with him). secondly... and this is related, i guess... i tend to deskill people :-( it is hard for me to share what i think sometimes because it involves bouncing off someone else. sometimes i get a little speech on something (that is meant to be reassuring) and i'm usually thinking something like 'well i agree with you on the first point but here are a couple of exceptions to that general rule, and the second is controversial and I think I go with x's line on that rather than y's'.. and of course i don't say that. i just smile sweetly and try and look reassurred. but really... need to find the courage to say what is on my mind more, huh. i just worry about deskilling people... so they say 'don't know how to help you please just bug off' or whatever...

but to be fair... am i more scared than i was after the first email? probably not. sigh.