Hi seesaw,

Sorry to hear your still in so much pain and confusion about si. I understand how your feeling and how you got to where you are now.

My story : I first started cutting about 6mths ago I had been a picker and scratcher of my thighs for years but never thought of that as self harm as it was always very small and lots of different spots on my thighs when healed they never left a scar. After being in therapy for just over a year with a fantastic T we hit my csa and my mothers complete inability to cope with it to the point of denial, that's when I found the blade for me each cut is about being as deep as I can go (to get to the pain inside I guess) each cut has required stitches the minimum being 6 and the max being 18. I currently have 32 stitches (I have only ever cut on my upper left arm) after making two cuts yesterday something I have never done before I always got what I needed from one but now it seems I don't and all I can think about is doing more I need to do more and it scares me. I know this is not good for me and long term I never get anything out of it except shame and embarrassment so why do I keep being seduced by it?? Hopefully we both can find the answer soon!

Please take care of yourself Seesaw