I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since I was about four.

I saw the change in the pictures of myself as a little girl. I went from having a sweet angelic smile to an etched scowl and hollowed out angered eyes. I do have brief spaces of time when mental illness seems to be something others have and I Had.

Anyone looking at me from a distance wouldn't think much of me. Averagely average and quiet. But inside me lies rage and anger at people I perceive are getting the best of me. Sometimes i hate myself but mostly I hate others. I try hard to hide the hate with sweet smiles and flowing dresses but the hate lies under.

I've taken the antisocial personality disorder test many times and always fail. I have no interest in manipulating or causing pain to others I just get angry at those I perceive are helping to "ruin" what short time I have on Earth. I have no interest in socializing with lots of people or even being noticed - I enjoy my privacy. But I want to relax those angry hateful thoughts not because I care about being "nice" to others but because being angry all the time is very uncomfortable.

I'm stable on meds, eat healthy, refrain from alcohol, exercise and listen to Eckart Tolle daily but still I rage inside.

Thanks for reading.