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Fenerous said:

Thanks again, and my GOD do I know what your talking about with the swallowing, I always have to hold onto something in order to swallow, or ill have to move my ar really fast to "devert" my brain for a moment so I can do it...I just always thought I was a freak because of that =/

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We're not freaks... it's just how our bodies deal with panic. When I first started recovering, whenever I went for a walk, I would have to hold onto a tree in order to swallow. I'm sure I must have looked terribly weird to some people -- because I basically had to stop for a moment and put my hand against every tree I passed, but it got better. Maybe they just thought, "Wow, that woman really loves trees!"

P.S. I think the reason I had to hold onto something in order to swallow is because, in addition to the inability to swallow, I was holding my breath or breathing very shallowly. So, I would feel faint and unsteady... and facing the fear of making myself swallow was so scary, I needed to make sure I was supported by something before I tried -- so I wouldn't fall down. The feeling of choking and not being able to swallow was so overwhelming it took me a long time to even notice that I was holding my breath or doing the shallow breathing thing. CBT helped me recognize -- and change -- that.