First....stop feeling like you don't deserve the food assistance you are receiving. Food stamps are paid for by taxes and if you've been working since you were 16 and you're forty now, you've more than earned the right to that assistance, in your time of need....if your relatives can't suck it up and be supportive, you might remind them of that.

I also agree with a previous poster, I don't think you give yourself enough credit, just by virtue of reading what you posted. Suggestion: look into some trade schools (hopefully they have them in your area, if not, try online schools)...many offer financial assistance. Take a course in something you enjoy (a possible hobby that could be a career) and just go for it. It does take time for the disability to come thru, and I definately understand your frustration and depression.

Self-worth comes by doing something you enjoy, and doing the best you can at it, no matter what it is. Your a father of 5 kids...that is a helluva responsibility, and I admire you for your patience (I managed two....5 would have spun my tail in all manner of bad! lol)...you sound like a good father, who's been thru some distressing times recently.

Please remember there are people who love you, and respect you for who you are...try to find something (school? volunteer work?) that you can be passionate about and always remember we're here if you need to rant!

Take care