Thank you so much for helping me George and gus. It's so nice to know that other people care. Gus I really needed to hear the skills you listed. I went thru dbt training about 4 years ago and I've forgotten alot of it. I'm going to write the skills you wrote to me so I can always access them. They sound so helpful...I think it will help me not feel so guilty too. I love my mom with all my heart...I know she didn't know any better than what she could give me. The only way she knew how to show me love was by buying me things. I would have much rather been shown real love but I didn't get it. She only knew fear and anger which is why she abused me. Her absence has made me feel empty...when I would call her she would just ***** and complain but I knew she needed me. She had no one else to really talk to about her problems. I would try and give her healthy skills to deal with her negative emotions. She would think they were good ideas but she wouldn't implement them. She was just a sick alcoholic who didn't know how to use healthy coping skills. I.just miss being there for her no matter how she was with me. Thank you again for your kindness.