I agree Melomelon....it does sometimes feel safer. It's not a full blown depression, but just a pressing ache that I keep poking at by remember things in the past that either made me sad, or make me sad now because they're gone and never to be revisited.

I think the word 'never', is the most challenging for me to get past, and when combined with memories, makes me just numb with it. I'm BPD and cycle incredibly fast so can usually switch it off rather quickly, but there's not a high after...kinda like wading back out of a pond....still wet, but at least not drowning.

In answer, yes, I do that too.