Froggygirl....sounds like you have loads on your plate, and I'm sorry to hear that. Stress will not make dealing with this situation easier, and I know you know that.

I think moving back to a 'black hole for potential and hope' would be a terrible mistake, but I do hear that you love him 'more than life'. Is it possible that he could get some counselling where he is? I also think you could benifit with counselling as well, to help you decide what you WANT to do, rather than what HE wants you to do.

Relationships are all about compromise....but this sounds more like his way, or no way....and if your relationship together is starting like that, I promise, it will end like that. And a lot faster than you'll ever imagine.

Take care...