Hi dismalcarnyclownxxx .... sorry you're going thru this pain. I can't imagine how awful it has been for you, and their lack of understanding of just how much they hurt you is astonishing...of course, had they cared in the first place, the affair likely would not have happened.

I suggest you talk to your doctor about the stress your under, and talk to a therapist who can better guide you thru the minefield of emotions you are dealing with now, and in the near future.

Take care of your own emotional health and physical health first. Then deal with both your husband and daughter when you are stronger, and not so freshly hurt.

Take care...sending supportive thoughts your way....