Birdpumpkin, the way you describe your feelings and thoughts about the fire, and the way you feel about upcoming dates/anniversaries is so very typical of this. I feel exactly the same way about my life, and what I went through was a very different type of experience than yours.

I have been in these very dark places emotionally when it all felt very hopeless, like I would never be able to have a happy moment again. It's rough, I won't sugar coat it. But I think it's important to recognize that other people have come out of this, and gotten to places in their lives when the pain of the past has diminished so that living day to day is no longer a struggle.

I wish I could offer you more, I am still "seeking the path" myself. It is not an easy journey, but there is no valid alternative.