This question is about training -- and so, so much more. I have a lot riding on this decision.

For those that don't frequent the PTSD forum, I had a major "crisis" two years ago, and almost offed myself. It was NOT pretty. As a result, I vowed to radically reinvent myself. Part of that, a big part of that, at the time was a desire to lose about 60 pounds. And, as fate had it, I found myself doing something radical I had dreamed about, and never did -- joined a gym.

That proved my salvation - had I NOT done that, I am absolutely certain depression would just have set in over my situation, and I would have actually gone through with it in short order -- I probably would not have seen 2013.

I really got into it ... cardio, strength training, nutrition. I did a lot of different things, and still am - working with a couple of personal trainers one on one, taking a group mixed cardio/strength training class, taking boxing lessons, taking swimming lessons, and doing a WHOLE LOT of road cycling.

I had a goal of doing a triathlon this past spring. I signed up for that training program. It went .... poorly. I had some physical health issues that held me back. I had some depression issues that didn't help. I had some serious time crunch issues - just NOT enough time to do it all.

Well, I thought I was in a pretty stable place a couple of months back - the tri thing was basically over - still going on, but not the active training part, more just social right now for the duration of the summer/fall here. And, I pretty much failed at it anyway - I didn't do the main event the team did. I have felt terrible about that ever since.

But, it just wasn't in the cards. Things changed, external to me - some people in my athletic life moved on, I had to come up with a "plan B" for the rest of this year. I now have that - different, but still OK, a little more "on my own" and a little less structured - which is good and bad, means I have more flexibility in my schedule, but more personal accountability to get it done.

So, I have to make a decision about what to do in 2015. Emotionally, I want to rejoin the tri program, and SUCCEED this time. Really do it, and do it right.

IF I do that, I think I need to drop virtually EVERYTHING else - my group fitness classes, my one on one trainers, boxing. Because of time -- to do the tri program THE RIGHT WAY, it will take basically ALL of my available workout time. Doing it half-***ed doesn't work - I thought this year I could "double dip" - make some of my cardio days in group work as Tri training days, count swim lessons as swim practice, etc. It just doesn't work that way - seems the Gods don't like double-dipping.

So, FINALLY, the question - should I take the gamble? Should I make a big leap of faith? Should I put ALL of my eggs in this one basket?

Can I do it physically? I'm not sure. I'm not really sure if it was a true physical barrier I faced, or just not enough conditioning.

Can I do it mentally? Will I be OK with making a commitment to JUST ONE THING? Can I approach it with the attitude of "I can do this" or will my self-doubt from this year's failure eat away at me?

What should I do? What would you do?