thank you sunny

my employer isn't an insurance company but is an administrator of insurance plans. primarily it is an actuarial company (crunches numbers for life and health insurance companies: underwriting data). what I do is considered Third Party Administration; we administer the plan but we don't write the policies or fund the plan.

thanks for sharing your experiences. i just this week decided to get back to a better sleep schedule, even if it means using my Xanax for sleep instead of just for anxiety and 'falling apart' times. then i want to add morning exercise back into my day.

i just find it so hard to be articulate in therapy and it's discouraging to me.

my T does have a cell phone number she includes on her answering machine message. she says 'if you need to speak to me on an emergency basis, call..." so I asked her to define that because I don't want to make her mad. I called it once and she sounded annoyed. when I asked her to define it, she kind of hesitated and said she leaves that up to the client and if it becomes too much or something then it can be talked about. but i don't know what i would have said and besides i was at work. i had called her after the last session Friday, just left a message on the answering machine. I just didn't want to leave her, I think. I just felt I had to talk to her but really had nothing important to say, just that I needed to talk with her. She doesn't check her answering machine messages on the weekend so she called me Monday at work but I just said I couldn't talk at work. No privacy at all. She did remind me about the 'emergency' number but I don't know if I'd use it. I don't think I'd ever feel I deserve to be having an emergency so I wouldn't call it that.

I know i need to be in therapy but i don't know what to talk about. I'm afraid I'm boring her and she'll ditch me, really.