Thanks, Hankster, I can always count on you to put a "real world, no nonsense" spin on things.

I haven't discussed this with her in these terms. I'm kind of not doing a lot there right now ... I've decided I need to find a trauma specialist. She's great ... but she is just a general therapist.

However, I think she would see it like you do ... why so serious?

I may not convince you, but here is my argument:

Because to me, this IS serious. It's not just some hobby - this is what is keeping me alive. I need raison d'etre at this point - what else do I have? Family - well, they mostly ... let's just say I doubt I will ever see eye to eye with them. Work - I love my job, but I don't live for it. Romance -- ugh, let's not even go there ....

Nope, this is what saved me. It gave me everything I was lacking - confidence, strength, comradery/friendship/community. This is what is going to carry me through.

I really WANT to have this be my thing. It is everything I'm looking for --- but can I do it?

So, I guess it boils down to one question -- do I believe in myself at this point?