i'm reading through your post and it seems to me that you have a lot of "walls" up. this is what i gather.

1. you don't seem to like people that are attracted to you
2. you don't have an ability to 'connect' with people
3. you seems to have an aversion to sex or any form of intimacy whatsoever
4. you seem to not particularly care for people

yet at the same time you desire some of the most basic human needs, i.e a relationship.( so yes, you are indeed human..sorry to disappoint you!)

i think what is happening is at some point in your life you suffered from some type of major emotional trauma which has made you distrustful of all people.

therefore the "walls' i speak of are a defense mechanism.
same thing with the potential sex situations and kissing.
anything that could make you potentially "vulnerable" and you shut down

in order to have a happy and healthy relationship..yes you are going to have to have sex and you are going to have to kiss,cuddle and all of these other things..i.e make yourself emotionally vulnerable.

obviously this is no easy task & by your statement about the times you could have and didn't i think you were hoping it would happen so you could "break through' that "wall" and were dissapointed the guys didn't follow through.

most people are crap these days..hence my signature( hee hee) but still
if you want you can get to a place to where you can connect with people.
in order to do so you will need to take some "risks". i believe your inherent defense mechanisms have kinda shut that down.

kissing makes you uncomfortable because it puts you in that "risk zone" so of course the alarm bells go off..and either you don't allow it/allow it and don't enjoy it.

in order to get past this you will need to "let go" of your fears and slowly lower your "walls" until you do this you will remain stuck where you are emotionally.

as far as social situations, eh.. i am quite a social butterfly..but at times i don't really want to be bothered with people(again..hence my signature).
i have met so many people and know so many people that at times they do bore me..but then i'm easily bored(BPD is the culprit..be glad you don't have it)

as far as relationship wise, you are going to have to take some chances and let those walls down ( just a little). intimacy is wonderful..you just haven't a chance to experience the beauty of it.by letting your "walls" down a bit, you just may get that chance..good luck and i hope this helps