Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
In the past year, I HAVE let these walls down and I HAVE taken chances. The only thing it got me was people taking advantage of me and more emotional trauma. There is absolutely no way to tell if someone is a decent enough person to even attempt to trust. Everyone is the same to me. And I don't mean that I simply see everyone as "bad". I simply see everyone as neutral and can't tell the difference until someone does someone horrible to me. And even if I did get a bad feeling about someone, it would just be blamed on prejudices and "I should give them a chance!" and all that BS because neither my feelings nor my intuition matters.
Besides, I'm something less than a person, so shouldn't I be treated as less than a person?
Also, a long time ago when I was a teen, I had what was close to a "relationship" with someone (we never actually dated, but we kissed a couple times so we were more than just friends). I felt safe with him. I felt like I was a person and even felt like feelings were allowed to be valid. And this was also before any emotionally disturbing/damaging events that I can remember. But I still didn't like kissing him. A quick peck on the lips was fine, but making out, no. At first, I didn't think anything of it. Then I thought it meant I was gay. Then I thought it would just better with another guy. But every guy is equally as boring and a chore to kiss. I've never kissed a girl, but I don't see how it could be any different at the end of the day. Maybe the difference is facial hair or lack thereof? Ha.
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i can agree with you, there really isn't any way to tell..i have been burned too many times to count..but i have also met some really good people and had a few decent(about as decent as a BPD can expect) relationships.
this person you speak of..you'll meet someone like that again..it's trial and error..yes it's a pain in the keister..but it is what it is.
the kissing is boring to you bcos you aren't letting yourself go in the moment..this is the key to enjoying kissing, me personally i love kissing and enjoy it very much..it is quite satisfying..but if you aren't into the moment, it can and does feel like work.
kissing is more about the person and the moment than the actual act, once you get that perspective it becomes quite enjoyable. so again this goes back to the "walls" if you don't really feel comfortable with the person..it's going to be kinda hard to enjoy kissing them..and yes it will definitely feel like a chore.
try this..the next time you kiss a guy, just for a little while..completely let yourself go and relax and enjoy the closeness..embrace it..feel it.also make out SLOWLY..the fast stuff..sucks and it is work..so yes now you have to find a guy that knows how to kiss too ( yeah i know ,ugh..more work..right! LOL!)
take your time and FEEL the sensations..i assure you with enough practice..your opinions will change. when i first kissed a girl i didn't have a clue what i was doing, after some practice i got better..then when the first time a girl sucked my tongue it was a whole new ballgame.
kissing is like an art & the more you appreciate it..the better it gets. think of your first kiss with your next guy as a blank canvas..you can paint it any way that feels good!
so again..it's not your fault..from what i have heard..there are a lot of guys out there that just suck at kissing, when you find the right one..you'll know.
good luck and i hope this helps!
p.s. almost forgot..you aren't something less than a person..you're just trying to find your way in this crazy place we call the world!
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
