Sounds like you should just deal with the fact that you can't do it.
Like going to the moon. It's an enjoyable thought to some, but it's unrealistic so it's just a passing thought.
If you think you can't control the thoughts and prison is something you fear too much then maybe you should seek some help.
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If You've Got the Money I've Got the Time
Dx:
MDD-NOS
PD-NOS (histrionic, antisocial, dependent features)
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