Okay I feel bad that you are in a bad place, I am too so I feel your pain....but all this aside, I am really jealous. I have always wanted to take time of to go around the country sightseeing. I was actually just talking about that with a coworker yesterday.

I definitely understand what you mean by having a good time but still get depressive thoughts. I am the same way. I don't have to be stressed sad etc and I will get strong suicidal thoughts. The therapist calls them automatic thoughts but these thoughts seem logical and can be really strong and convincing at times. I hope you feel better.