I saw my therapist again this week and I think some transference is happening here.

I don't think she's abusing me intentionally or trying to scam me. I think she has her own problems that she needs to deal with, but I don't think she's being malicious. I'm probably inferring evil intent from her because I do know people out there who are malicious in the way I'm imagining ... my family, which is something I'm still struggling with. I think I might have some kind-of awful trauma problem with it.

Which brings me to moving on with my treatment. Dealing with my actual problems ... the things that traumatized me, my family, all that stuff, it's just so incredibly hard for me to deal with. It hurts really badly, and I just get overwhelmed so easily by it. I think part of the reason I'm staying with this T is because I don't have to take my real problems seriously, thus allowing me to avoid my pain and fear.

The treatment that I need, that I could seriously benefit from, would involve all these things that I just want to run away from. I have to find some way to face it, but it isn't easy at all.