the ppd is definitely affecting me. i can't discount that. as for one foot out the door, because of my life history, that's how i've always lived. one foot out the door in everything except probably my marriage. even my bff... we had a spat a few months ago (very rare for us) and she just didn't respond well to something i'd said with regards to my depression. so i didn't call her. i even told my t that it was okay if my bff of a decade just... disappeared and i never talked to her again. i wasn't even angry. i just didn't want to deal with the issue.

we spent an entire session with my t being like, 'that's not really *healthy*' and i was like 'blerg.' and he told me to call my friend. so i did and it was very gratifying.

but welcome to my head. i didn't think of myself as having one foot out the door until the last few months. now i realize i probably have had one foot out the door the whole time and i only figured it out when the door slammed on my foot.