i know that feeling. have you tried holding ice or something. i like to go for really, really long walks until my legs hurt (like i need ibuprofen hurt). it's how i replaced my si urges. i still get them, but then i try to find a healthy way to 'hurt' if that makes sense. i always feel like i accomplished my goal after walking for two hours.

have you thought about a new t? i really think you should have a t you can be open with.