It does make sense to find a healthier way to hurt. I'll have to try holding ice.

I wouldn't be open with another t it's just how I am. I grew up being punished or ridiculed for saying what I thought so I just never feel safe doing it. Throw in keeping abuse by my dad from my mom I censor everything I say. I couldn't risk talking bad about him or showing any negative feeling towards him. I really feel comfortable with my t as much as I'm capable for the most part. He really supported me this week but just blew it yesterday. He apologized late last night. Said for some reason he kept thinking our session was tonight instead. I keep thinking I'm asking too much from him or am too much work.