Dear StbGuy:
To be fair, I must state that I may be eminently unqualified to give proper advice here, as I got
very lucky and fell in love with the first woman I dated, and we've now been married 30.5 years. So you or anyone else here can flame me to cinders if I'm talking through my hat, but FWIW, here goes:
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Originally Posted by blwi3310
There is always a chance to fix things and make them a new. It really sounds like you love her, why don't you try to reach out to her again. Someone has to make the first move.
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Originally Posted by StbGuy
I know she wants nothing to do with me, I know she doesn't love me.... I would never want to force her into anything, having to deal with me if she really just isn't up to it.
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I agree fully with blwi3310 here: you can't presume to read this woman's mind, and will never truly
know what she wants unless you ask. And certainly you can be tactful about it. Your desire not to force anything indicates you're a gentleman, and my guess is she'd appreciate one of those, as they're in dangerously short supply these days.
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Originally Posted by StbGuy
She was unlike all those others before, no *****y "attitude", no "I'm hot stuff" kind of attitude at all.
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Were I the one re-initiating contact, I'd flat-out tell her how much this impressed you. If the modern dating scene described in the article below is any indication, my guess is she'd want no part of that ...
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For one illustration of dating à la Darwin, consider what’s known as the Seduction Community. The Community is a loose network of dating coaches, gurus, and their followers whose philosophical origins lie variously in Darwin, Norman Vincent Peale, and hyperlogical geekdom. Women want alpha males, the Seduction Community agrees; with some effort at self-improvement, any man can learn the game—Game, as it is reverently known—that will turn him into a Pick Up Artist (PUA)....
It teaches the ordinary nice guy—in Gamespeak, the Average Frustrated Chump (AFC)—how to reinvent himself to survive in a ruthless dating environment. That means desensitizing the AFC to rejection and, alas, building up his jerk quotient. Teachers encourage clients to project confidence and sexual energy, what is called, depending on the guru, “cocky funny” or “amused mastery.”
-- full text here
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... and that she hates "cocky funny" as much as you hate "*****y"/"I'm hot stuff" attitudes. Personally, I can't think of a better foundation for a relationship.
(Hey -- what happened to your "noble gas Xenon" avatar and update? If she has any literacy with the periodic table, she'll appreciate that big-time!)
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Originally Posted by StbGuy
Needless to say, it wasn't long before she hooked up with the class clown joker guy ...
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Could you provide some details on how things were going before your breakup and what precipitated it? These could be important clues as to how to proceed now.
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Originally Posted by StbGuy
... I decided to write her a love letter.
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You mean people still do this in this modern age of texting and sexting and nude selfies? That alone is
damned impressive! (To clarify: I'm 54 and grew up with no internet, but went to public schools that still taught both writing skills and the best poetry English lit has to offer, including all the classic love poems.)
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Originally Posted by StbGuy
I went to a psychologist and they diagnosed me with autism spectrum disorder high functioning (Asperger's).... So, they're basically telling me I'll never have that girl I wanted because I just suck, period. Now I have proof that I genuinely suck!
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This psychy-boy should be tied to a cactus and ripped with gaffing hooks if he thinks his job ends with slapping on a label -- and in such a disparaging manner at that. I don't know what the "treatment" for autism/Asperger's is, but as noted above, you're obviously capable of courtesy, empathy and nobility, and A/A hasn't contaminated that. If you decide to go for treatment, then if this doesn't give a psychologist an
ideal foundation to work with, I don't know what does.
Sincerely hope this helps. Feel free to discuss further, and I'll contribute what I can.
Thanks -- DSM-3.1415926