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Jul 19, 2014, 01:41 PM
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Member Since: Mar 2014
Location: northeast ohio
Posts: 1,085
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Withered-Rose79
I feel torn between wanting my bf (age 46) to move out and wanting him to stay. I love him deeply and I have no doubt that he loves me too. He loves me in spite of my BPD. He promises he will never leave me and I believe him. Being with him relieves my fear of abandonment and of being alone. The relationship brings me a sense of comfort and security that helps to keep me grounded and focused. He helps me around the house, helps with my kids, helps pay the bills, and is just there for me in general. He holds me when I’m upset, gives me space when I want to be alone and is beside me when I wake up with nightmares. He tolerates my never ending mood swings, my outbursts of rage and my sometimes cold, hateful words. All of that being said, he is struggling with his own undiagnosed mental health issues, and I think we feed off of each other’s negativity. He has an issue with lying. Couple that with my paranoia and I find myself questioning everything he says to me. Yesterday he lied to my teenage daughter about some candy that went missing from her bedroom. He told her he didn’t know what happened to the candy, when in fact he is the one that took it. Two years ago I suspected him of taking a handheld Nintendo and games that belong to my pre-teen son. He very well could be innocent, but the strong circumstantial evidence pointed to him having taken the game, so for the last two years every time my son has lost something I wonder if my bf took it. I see him lie to and manipulate other people to get things he wants. I’ve seen him steal things from work (gloves, batteries, safety glasses, etc) and he says he’s entitled to these things because he doesn’t get paid enough for the job he does. He feels like he was dealt a crappy hand in life and because of that the world owes him something. He uses people and then discards them when he’s done. Me and my children could make it financially without him, because I work two jobs. If he moves out, I don’t think he could make it financially without me unless he gets a second job. Because of this, my brother (who is my best friend) says my bf is using me. I don’t know if he is or not, because I have a hard time standing back and looking at the bigger picture of what’s going on in my life. My brother looks at my life and very plainly says to me, “you are living with a lying thief who is using you and you need to kick him out.” For me it’s not that simple; I think about all of my faults and all the things he puts up with out of me and I wonder if I’m a hypocrite if I’m not understanding of his faults in return. My brain tells me to get rid of him and my heart tells me to keep him. I don’t know what to do. If you’ve managed to make it to the end of this, advice is much appreciated.
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haven't heard from you in a while, any updates?
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I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!  
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