T terminated me in 2012 and I'm still like this. Before I started therapy, I had a job, a boyfriend, friends, a life. Now I have nothing, I'm just a waste of space.

Ellemay thank you for coming back to clarify your thoughts. I'm devastated by what happened. It wasn't just T abandoning me, a lot of things happened at the same time. I lost my job, my fiance, my hair, my dog. I lost everything and in the middle of this, with more coming, T said oif you don't pay me by Friday, it's over. And he followed through. After nearly five years, after thousands and thousands of $ spent going there x5/week. I'm sorry but I'm not shaken. I was broken before I started therapy, that's why I went. Now I'm shattered, the last place I want to go to is to start another professional relationship. That's the excuse he gave me that it was a professional relationship and that he didn't owe me anything. I'm so ashamed that I wanted him to help me, to be at his office feeling safe again when to him it meant nothing. He has moved on with his life. After a month or two after he terminated me, he was advertising at one of those professional sites mentioning he had availability. For him it's just a revolving door. He moved on but I was left mortally wounded on the battlefield. He then got married, went to Maui on his honeymoon and he now has a website because he read an article that Ts need to have a website with a photo to create a personal brand and so that clients can feel connected to them. One of my patterns is that in relationships I end up rejected/abandoned. He knew that but he did it anyway. So it has to be me. All me. So no, I'm not putting myself through that again. Ever.