trying2survive, I wouldn't be surprised if they eloped, but even when people do that, they usually let others know about it after the fact.

Frankbtl, thank you for your thoughts. I do suspect that this is somehow connected to the paranoid delusions. I am at a point now where I feel like I have had about as much as I can take. For the first year or two, I took him at his word that these horrible things were really happening. After I realized that they were imaginary, I tried to point out alternative interpretations for what he thought he perceived when I could. Finally a few months ago I suggested that he get professional help. It did not go over well.

I have never understood why his partner has not intervened. He has not worked in years and struggles to function on a basic level. She won't let him talk about his paranoia, so it is possible that she does not know how much it has escalated.

For the past year he has had excuses not to see me in person. All I get are semi-coherent emails. A lot of them. For some reason, learning that he hid his marriage (and continues to hide any detail about it), just gives me a very different feeling about the whole thing. I hadn't realized just how long he had been making excuses for not getting together. I feel like I am just being used as a dumping ground for the fantasies he feels he can't share with anyone else.