i wonder if just honestly telling him you were hurt he didn't share with you about his marriage would break through some of his delusions at all? i have no idea really, but maybe he could see how his actions are affecting those in his life. if is wife doesn't want to hear about his delusions maybe you are partly someone he trusts to confide in and partly his dumping ground as you said. i think it's good you suggested he go to a pdoc. even though he was offended maybe he'll consider it later. you're in a tough spot with him as it would be hard to know what is best for all of you.