Blur, that's a good point-- telling him that I was hurt that he didn't let me congratulate him might have prompted a different reaction on his part. Or it might not have -- I just over all get the feeling that he is much worse off than I realized. Part of his paranoia involves a belief that his email communication is being monitored, so sometimes he won't want to discuss certain things via email -- but when he also refuses to see me, it just makes communication kind of impossible.

RRex, where I come from, marriages are part of the public record. They are often announced in newspapers and it's been that way for hundreds of years. To keep it a secret from friends is not common at all.