And it is really good that you've let "the mask slip" with your T.
And you know, at least you don't have to fake anything here if you want to talk. And if the fight is getting you down/stealing your strength away, then we're here to try to share/lift the load a little. Anytime you want to lean on us for support we're here.

Alison[/QUOTE]

With my therapist I don't believe I have ever masked things I have been very cautious in my wording to her sometimes but she can sense that. We have a number scale that we use often a 1 being that I am doing absolutely super and a 10 that probably should be hospitalized.

You really have no idea what the last couple sentences meant to me but

On some new info today my daughter's fiance possible brother-in-law a few years back (either by marriage or significant other) killed himself yesterday he was only 22 so sad.

Here is the thing my heart always goes out to family and friends of a love one that takes their life. My heart goes out to the individual that committed suicide also. But today my reaction was very indifferent totally out of character for me. I think because my head has been were this young mans was this past week for myself. I am 51 so I have lived much more life than he was able too. I guess it is some of the realization what it would do to my family and friends of my own that is hard for me to swallow (and I guess that is a good thing in a way). Not sure if that makes sense to anyone but I guess that tells myself I still want to be around.