Yeah it's so hard! While I can accept I have a mental illness (I have had multiple 3 month hospital stints), I think it just hurts so much that this is not an illness that will go away. Everyone has suspected this a while but I have been withholding details that I knew would influence drs into giving me this diagnosis (or else just stopped seeing anyone who did... I know. Running away from my problems much)

Yeah theratrekid, perhaps that's more why I'm so upset. I don't even know where this leaves me in relation to my life/career goals. I'm still in uni and almost killing myself to get through this degree. It seems almost impossible. Then I get told I have this thing and I just don't want to believe i can't predict the course of my illness. It's all so scary. Especially as I've been treated for bipolar for the last 5 years anyway and I've still been so sick. It was just the latest 'elevated" episode that tipped the scales.

Thanks bipolar nurse , I guess time will only help. I know I have an illness, I struggle through so much of my life anyway.... But I just feel like people with bipolar are so sick... And that surely I'm not that bad. But you're right, itheres not much point denying at this point.Anyway forgive all this, my head's a mess and my mood is all over the place. Thanks a lot both of you xx