My Support Forums - View Single Post - New med started at hospital not working, can't seem to get to "normal."

brackenbeard · Jul 20, 2014, 03:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazygrl882

I am new here. I just got out of the hospital for an episode of mania and the doctor put me on a new med. I've been diagnosed with bipolar I, with psychotic symptoms, possibly schizoaffective. My doctor in the hospital told me I match most symptoms of schizoaffective because I have psychotic symptoms when not having a manic episode. I have them every day.

I can't take the new medicine. It is latuda and makes me feel like my skin is crawling. I am discontinuing (it's the weekend) and contacting my doctor Monday. I am going to continue my seroquel at my normal dose without tapering off like we had planned. The problem with the seroquel is I had the manic episode so they want me on a new medicine. Plus I'm having all the psychotic symptoms. I believe others can read my thoughts, can see what I'm doing on my phone, that there are cameras always watching me, my reflection isn't me but something evil that may hurt me (only at night). I live with a roommate and feel like she is always going through my stuff. Never found evidence of that. It's so hard to live this way.

I had really bad problems like this in college then got better. Then just had mostly bipolar symptoms. Just manic. But not severe. Went on for years (7). Worsened and worsened until I basically became a prostitute through a sugar daddy website. I would meet an older guy and have dinner them have sex with him and he would pay me ($200-$1000). So dangerous but I didn't care. I couldn't sleep and would stay up all night thinking about money. Thought this was the perfect plan. I was manic and felt on top of the world. I destroyed my relationship with the cheating. I didn't see it as cheating. So then I finally realized I needed to see a psychiatrist after I was raped.

And so now that I'm 30 I feel like my psychotic symptoms are bad, even on meds. But at least the mania stopped. As soon as I felt a little manic I went to the hospital. But with the seroquel I knew it wouldn't be full blown anyway because I could sleep. Anyway, I feel so lost in life. So much guilt from my past. I want a medicine that gets rid of the "crazy" stuff. The hallucinations (auditory and visual) and the thoughts. For a little bit I thought I would do something or something would take control of my body and do something bad after I heard a man's voice in my head say "I should have killed you when I had the chance" about my cat. I was terrified. I'm sure someone can relate. Hope this makes sense.

Hi CrazyGirl, welcome to the forum. I hope you can find hope here.

My diagnosis is very similar to yours, and I experience the occasional psychotic symptoms. If you're still experimenting with doctors to find the right meds I cautiously encourage you to continue doing so, at your own comfort level.

When my psychiatrist discovered OCD was a heavy component in my illness we tried everything, and almost every new med gave me insomnia by the time it began "working", after that time period of building up in my system. Because my life was so difficult to live while so symptomatic I had to run the gamet, but I would take breaks after trying one to recover from the side-effects, and prepare myself mentally to try again. It is a harrowing experience.

I heard a funny one in AA today. "Normal is just a setting on a washing machine." But I understand the desire to just return to normal in how you're saying it. When I hear voices I'm paralyzed with fear so I can definitely relate to those feelings. It's scary, I want it to stop, but I have to ride it out. I'm not the best person to talk to about coping with psychotic symptoms there are others that can do that much better than I, but because I've accepted my illness I know that symptoms will come, and I know it is beyond my control, and all i can do is understand yes I'm experiencing this, and yes this happens, now i'm going to continue living my life while this is going on.

my life has led me to alcoholism, and insanity. and there have been extended periods of time I experienced horrific symptoms, and didn't know if I'd ever feel right or normal again, but with time it got easier, and i don't know why all the time except that I'm on a journey, and I've been surprised, relieved, scared, hopeless, etc... again, and again whether its meds, or life changes... but I don't expect to lose hope. keep coming back.