I was diagnosed over 20 years ago. After 9 suicide attempts and 10 hospitalizations, I've finally admitted I have BP and I do whatever I can to try and reach stability.

I feel there's a difference between admitting it and accepting it.

I still don't accept it though. With every episode I have, I fight it. I get so down on myself that I can't control it. I berate myself for some of the behaviors that I've experienced due to certain episodes. After every episode which have been becoming more intense these days, I'll get maybe a week of stability and still to this day I think, it's over and make myself believe that it won't come back but it always does and I get so discouraged and it always leads to a depression.

That tells me, I don't accept it but know that I need to get there because I think I would make life a little easier on myself rather than battling on and on fighting it every step of the way.

I'm told all the time, I need to go with it, ride the waves when they come. Know that the episode isn't permanent but ACCEPT that these symptoms will always come back.

This forum really helps me try and get to that point. I learn a lot from these people and their stories.

I'll get there, it's a process.