Welcome
I'm sorry you're struggling. Do you have a therapist? You really need to let you doc know what's going on with you because if you don't and the symptoms become increasingly worse, your worst fears could come true. You need to take care of your illness.

Just a passing thought, you know ECT isn't such a bad thing these days, I've had. It didn't really help but I had the experience and it wasn't bad. Some memory loss in the beginning ut it goes away. As far as residential treatment goes I also was involved in something similar and it was helpful. I learned a lot of coping skills, ways to manage and how to take care of myself.