part 2.

Well, the staff that were on last night are one of the most experienced and nicest team on the ward. I get on well (when I'm able to be social) with the nurse in charge, Junior nurse, the support worker (who I mentioned I defended before) and a male support worker that I talk to a lot about trivia, movies, music, t-shirts - bloke stuff. Well it was he and I that had a problem last night.

The lady support worker was on a level 1 obs of a patient who was sleeping and both the nurses told me and her to sit together (transpires against protocol) as we really get on well and they figured what I needed was emotional and social support as I was still shaking and crying.

10 mins into doing so the male support worker who was unaware of the nurses instruction came up and ordered me to move away as it wasn't allowed... the lady calmly stated that permission had been given and they started having an argument... I said it was not a problem I'd sit elsewhere and the lady grabbed my hand and told me to stay... the guy was not impressed and got quite stroppy with her to which point I went into defence mode, stood up and stood between them.... I was so emotionally charged and I smacked my fist into the wall (respliting my knuckle )... well he got right in my face and condescendingly said that was a stupid thing to do... I very coldly said that if I chose to hit the wall, that was my choice, not his and like him did not back away or stand down but held his stare.

The lady grabbed my hand gently and led me away and told the guy to take over with the observations.

She took me outside to have a smoke (I don't but I usually chat with her when she does) and the nurse in charge was there... lady quietly explained to the nurse what had happened while I just stood there shaking and feeling tears coming back on.

Well unsurprisingly I was wide awake again with the adrenaline flowing. Stayed up for a few hours and at about 2am I told the nurse I wanted to discharge myself, that it would be best for all... I could do what I liked and they would not be responsible or accountable for my well being... that with what the dr had said about me being unsectionable I was well within my right to do what I chose to my body so I might as well get out. She said that I was wrong, I could be sectioned and she had the power to do just that.

I quietly reasoned to myself what was keeping me riled up and realised it was the argument with the guy... so I said I was speaking out of anger and frustration perhaps... that unresolved disputes are very hard for me to handle. She said she would facilitate a discussion between the pair of us and she would sit in on it.

she went and got him and we chatted, spoke both our cases (I mentioned that from observation he tends to escalate rather than defuse situations) and he explained the reasons for how he does things... it was a calm and reasoned chat, we shook hands... I went to bed and fell asleep exhausted.