Ideally your rational mind and your emotional mind work together with your rational mind recognizing and accepting your emotional self. It isn't always necessary to explain everything away. Some things will reveal themselves in time.

I wonder if you might benefit from something like meditation which helps quiet the mind so it stops talking at you all of the time. That alone will drive you up the wall. It is part and parcel of obsession, I guess. The obsession that goes with strong feelings for someone like Judy.

This may be a very important moment for you in therapy. This could be the healing part. Where you remain on good terms with a caring person even though she cannot be in a personal relationship with you OR will not violate you by taking advantage of you.