Well when I was in the PWARD, and when I was first meeting with my old PDOC they said I was narcissistic because I listed all the things I was "good" at, all my 'positive' aspects. Later my PDOC said while it was narcissistic behavior it was done in a way that was negative, because I was trying to define myself by my accomplishments, and now that I am disabled both mentally and physically, I will be hit hard because I can no longer identify myself with my accomplishments. Past achievements are laurels for sure, something I guess to be proud of and like most people I have my share of them. I won't list because then the listing thing becomes some sort of competition doesn't it? I have lived two lifetimes worth of adventure and excitement in my 50 years, mainly because I truly believed I would be dead by 42 (the average age of death of Connelly Male people). So I didn't do a lot of planning for old age, but crammed every experience in as fast and as often as I could. The more dangerous and more exotic the better.

I think the best part of Blondie's list were the goals for things not yet done! I have none...and there is the single biggest problem with my life. I don't see anything I am capable of doing, so I don't have any goals to achieve. Sucks. I am worse than the woman in the wheelchair waiting to walk again, I have given up on everything and am just existing. That is the low, the funk, and try as hard as I can I just rarely get out of it for more than a day or two at a time...the sun doesn't shine in my part of the world when I am like that...