I too have pushed all of my friends away but 1. I guess she was the one true friend that did not give up on me or let me push her away. I tried to explain to her the only way I could, what exctly I was going through. Now when she calls and I don't answer she does not take it personally, she gives me space until I am ready to call her back.Sometimes I don't feel like much of a friend to her for not wanting to talk but she seems to understand and she doesn't judge me after. I wish you well!!