I don't know how much of my inability to concentrate is due to depression and how much is due to other factors. I never had difficulty concentrating until about 6 years ago. At the same time, I started noticing other issues with cognition like I couldn't remember words or put together sentences in coherent ways. It took me weeks to complete short school essays because I would just sit there trying to remember words and backspacing my sentences because half of them made no sense or sounded extremely disorganized. I couldn't focus in my classes or focus on pretty much anything either. I got in the habit of just walking around on auto pilot because it was too much work to try to force myself to be "present" when I just couldn't concentrate on what was going on at the moment.

I found out about a freelance writing gig where I can get paid $30 a piece to write articles for a company, and while it's not great pay, if I could just make myself focus and write 3 articles a day, I would be much better off financially. Except I can't do it. I sit down at the computer with intention to write, and then I lose focus completely. If I manage to start typing, I get frustrated because I can't put my thoughts down in a way that sounds organized and makes sense, so I just start crying or walk away to eat or something.

I don't know what to do. I hate never being able to focus on anything. I feel like I don't even exist in the world. I'm just an automaton walking around not really noticing anything going on in my surroundings because I am so unfocused. I miss so many things that go on around me. Like someone will say, "omg what is wrong with that driver?" if I'm in the car with someone, and I'll be like, "What?" because I didn't even catch the crazy or illegal thing the person did.