Yes, issues w my marriage drove me to the woman I obsessed and idealized. Yes I do see rebuilding as the path, and I'm striving to be the man I wanted to be when I was a boy. My T from last year took me through an exercise where I eventually came to a garden and met myself as a child. I had a discussion with that boy. Now I need to protect him. It's quite a journey, very amazing.

As far as being tempted as a junkie I'm luckily not in that boat. I don't want another woman or sex from a stranger. Or even her anymore because she's not who I fell in love with. It was an idealization of her. That rship grew over 2.5 years of constant communication. It was so much more mental than physical. So much. Then it wasn't real. I just can't believe my mind did that to me.

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