You do deserve life. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I can tell you're in a lot of pain. But the things done to you don't make you unworthy. The things you've done don't make you unworthy, either. It's only your choices from today onward that determine your worth and value. You can have a better life, I promise. You can get through this. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it. I promise.