Have you tried therapy? It may take awhile to find, or create, your self but it sounds like you’re not very happy with your life right now the way it is?

Another approach which is gaining a lot of popularity is mindfulness, similar to meditation. As you meditate, you may become more aware of your thoughts and feelings. In my experience, when I know aspects of myself then I can trust myself better, too, because when I know and fully experience a feeling then I don’t have to be afraid that I will act out or that somebody will see something in me that I don’t already know and accept.

The real me was fragmented, broken and bruised and the set of pieces hidden away and I didn’t know where to find them. So it took awhile. And I had a lot of bad therapy and therapists who didn’t know what they were doing and the whole process really sucks. Maybe it’s better for someone starting out now, I hope so. I hope the people trying to help know better now but I’m not entirely sure they do. Nevertheless . . . look over your options. Underground has one that works for him. Maybe you can find an option of living your life without knowing who you really are that works for you? Or maybe if you just find something that you love doing, in time your true self will find its way out on its own? I don't know that anybody knows, so it's my opinion that it's just part of the wonder of life that you've just got to make the best choices you can on your own and deal with the . . . stuff. . . when it doesn't work out. Good luck.