welp... i'm DID... so life is complicated. I'm supposed to be in the hospital right now, but I told my provider (via text) that I couldn't go for various reasons. If I had told her the true extent of my SI, she likely would have sent a crisis team and forced me to go. And I know I can't talk in here directly about what happened. I kind of wish I could - but I'd also be too embarrassed. Anyway... the SI has taken on a new level of scary and I feel like I should KNOW how to deal with this already and have done with it, since I've been harming since 2003 I think. But I don't feel I can discuss this particular one with anyone without them freaking out.
The first time, I did kind of try to tell my dr, and when she tried to figure out what I was really saying, I dissociated and she got concerned and called my therapist in from the next wing over, who came in and said to me "You're freaking people out". :/ This second time the alternate self harmed, there was some damage, but I can't CAN'T get seen for it... i just can't do it. There didn't appear to be any damage the first time they did it. But I worry it is just beginning and I don't have anywhere to turn.