What a thought provoking conversation! A very emotional one. I get what some are saying about the inherent goodness in all humans, but like some others, I feel that there are human's who are inherently evil or damaged in a way that makes them live outside the acceptable norms of society. I believe that we're all born with value and goodness inside us, but as we grow we make choices and those choices can impact us and those around us. We all have free choice and when that's factored into the equation, I see there are people who make choices that severely and negatively impact on those around them.

It saddens me when individuals who have been physically and/or sexually abused are told that their abuser has value and is inherently good somewhere deep inside of them, hidden beneath years of their own abuse. I think that the abused individual needs to make this decision for herself and not hear it from others. If that doesn't happen I feel that the abused individual might never truly heal. She needs to determines for themselves who her abuser was and how his behavior impacted her life. That's why I think it's so dangerous for therapists to make the judgment that the client's abuser was evil or scum of the earth. I think it's fine for the therapist needs to show in a very genuine way how the client's treatment impacts them emotionally. This allows the client to see how others view or react to what happened to her. It's a delicate balancing act with the client in the middle trying to decide for herself.

Personally, I know that on some level my abuser loved his wife, daughter and sons. He loved his job and his position in society. But this love and caring attitude was all for selfish reasons and an act. It was how he groomed his victims and lured adults into a false sense of "everything's good. Nothing to see here."

I don't know if he was ever abused, but his sadistic nature, I'd say he probably was. But as an adult, he made a choice; a choice to hurt and damage those he supposedly loved or cared about. He did this to satisfy his own wants and needs. He didn't think about the impact of his actions on those around him. It is not possible for me to look back at him and recognize his worth. I've been spending my time recognizing that I have worth and forgiving myself for falling for his web of deceit. It took me a while to realize I deserved that forgiveness. And in the end, I did not make the same choice he did. I recognized the worth in others and choose not to hurt others to get my needs met. Big difference between him and me!

Just my take on things.